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 Reviews for The Dark Tower (2017) here!

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Icarus_Mark

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PostSubject: Reviews for The Dark Tower (2017) here!   Fri Aug 04, 2017 8:33 am



I will be posting mine on this thread after I see the movie this morning.  I will be going to the 11:10 am Showtime out of town since my boss has me working today.
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PostSubject: Re: Reviews for The Dark Tower (2017) here!   Fri Aug 04, 2017 1:21 pm

The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed…

And then we followed them, hoping we could glimpse greatness. But I found something lying on the desert, as if something were wrong. Maybe I am not alone in seeing this, but I knew I had to find out more. I could see the remains of what was known as potential. I knew this to be potential because it looked like something that could have been a work of genius. And then I realized something. It wasn’t the Great Mohaine Desert the man in black and the gunslinger were on at all. This was… MARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yep! That is what we have here for you folks today! How do you have an endless fountain, wealthy of information and ways you could have interpreted the movie, and screw it up this badly!? Did the director even CARE about the source material? This movie has NOTHING to do with the novels it was based off at all. It just felt like Nicolas Arcel just cherry picked tidbits here and there, at RANDOM mind you, and jammed them all into a 95-minute movie that is a gigantic, discombobulated, egg-battered shell of what it could and should have been. This film bastardized the series so much, I have not been this dumbfounded by such a bastardization since Super Mario Bros., and if you are having me compare you to THAT, you know you burned out! The Beamquakes were bastardized to oblivion, Devar Toi does not capture the feeling I had of it when I first learned of it, the scene of the Plaster Man was reduced to a bloody pulp, just to name a few of things that they got so wrong! Also, if you’re going to cherry pick from the entire series, why the FUCK did you not cast someone to play Eddie OR Susannah!? They were essential to the entire series and if you’re going to include characters A, D, and Q in there, you can throw B and C in there at least so that you have your cream of the crop.

Really, what this movie should have done was just base itself off the first book and go the same route the Harry Potter movies went, basing itself off a different installment for each movie. You CAN adapt a 231-page book into a 95-minute, you know. But you just seriously CANNOT adapt over 4000 pages of material into ONE movie that spans for an hour and a half. There is just no way! The Dark Tower series is too big for that, and to be fair, this movie didn’t even feel like a true Western like this series very well gets. It just feels forced.

I will give Idris Elba points for what he managed to do as our favorite gunslinger Roland Deschain. He sold the role the best he could, but it also adds to how much wasted potential this movie had. You had great actors, the director himself is capable of good products, and The Dark Tower series is Stephen King’s crowning jewel. Do you know how sad it is when your lead does the best he can, but the kind of script you put him in is so degrading when it should have been so good? Do you see why I put the wasted potential on Mars at the beginning of this review? It is because this is one of the biggest wastes of potential I have ever seen on the big screen. Oh, and there is a GEICO product placement in the movie that bastardizes it even more. Yep! Absolutely shameless!

This movie should have been much more, but as it is, it has failed on so many levels that if the movie were firing bullets and were aiming at my head, they would be so far off they would be useless and in Jupiter while I laughed at it. It got virtually nothing right from the books, turned into a mess, and was just a complete waste. I’m going to leave this review in TRUE Dark Tower fashion, which is more than I say for this movie. It will get a 19… out of 99, and this movie really has forgotten the face of its fathers.

The man in black fled across the desert and the gunslinger followed.
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PostSubject: Re: Reviews for The Dark Tower (2017) here!   Fri Aug 04, 2017 2:19 pm

Sadly, this is exactly what I expected. I won't even watch this for free. I had the same thoughts as you Mark, when I heard about what they were doing to this movie. How hard is it to simply make a movie based off the first book in the series like every other book series to film adaptation before it? I don't even know how to interpret the level of stupidity and put into words the amount of sheer ignorance that can look at this book series and think: okay let's make a movie with a few of the characters but use none of the source material and just make it as random as possible. If I were Stephen King, I wouldn't have allowed them to film anything until I approved the script. He surely doesn't need the money. Somebody must have promised him something good in the future for allowing this to happen. Oh the humanity. Please let Ron Howard make the TV series like he wanted to do in the first place. And a big F YOU to everyone involved in this movie.
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PostSubject: Re: Reviews for The Dark Tower (2017) here!   Fri Aug 04, 2017 2:41 pm

Yeah, it was a big mess, and really, Idris Elba actually being successful as Roland is the only reason I didn't bump this movie's score lower. As it was, I'd decided to make the DT reference with my scoring for this movie, hence the 19 out of 99, which on IMDb would translate to a 2/10. I submitted an edited version of this review to IMDb, so it should be on the User Reviews for its IMDb page as well. And I agree wholeheartedly that King should not have allowed them to start filming until he approved the script.

If Ron Howard does get to do the TV series, I'll be on board for that. He can even have Idris Elba play Roland again if he wanted the role a second time. But if a TV series is done, I really hope it does the books considerably more justice than this movie, and that's my bare minimum requirement.
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PostSubject: Re: Reviews for The Dark Tower (2017) here!   Fri Aug 04, 2017 5:50 pm

Looked terrible.
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PostSubject: Re: Reviews for The Dark Tower (2017) here!   Fri Aug 04, 2017 6:04 pm

I think they need to stop trying to make movie franchises out of book series, and if they want to make them, make sure they hire competent people to do a great job at adapting the FIRST book in the series like Tom said lol. I mean, I cannot even imagine what it would be like if they tried to turn Game of Thrones into a movie franchise instead of a TV show.

I know nothing about this book series, but I see that there are 8 books. Did Hollywood not learn anything from Narnia and Divergent and all the flop sequels of those series lol.
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Icarus_Mark

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PostSubject: Re: Reviews for The Dark Tower (2017) here!   Fri Aug 04, 2017 6:49 pm

Pretty sure I mentioned the whole "adapting the first book in the series" in my whole review. Razz

Yes, there are 8 books in the series Henry. Anywho, adapting a book series into a movie series in of itself is not quite the problem, hence why I brought Harry Potter up. They finished the Hunger Games series and that was not only successful, they did fine critically. The problem is they need to, like you also brought up, hire competent people to do their jobs of making good movie adaptations.
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PostSubject: Re: Reviews for The Dark Tower (2017) here!   Fri Aug 04, 2017 6:57 pm

Oh sorry got the names mixed up. But yea, you all get my point lol
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PostSubject: Re: Reviews for The Dark Tower (2017) here!   Sat Aug 05, 2017 3:56 pm

Yep, that is a valid point Henry. ^_^

Although now that I think about Divergent, it wasn't even that it was a book series that it didn't get to finish. They got to the last of the trilogy, so they could have finished. It was because of the fact they tried to split the final book into 2 parts that Divergent's book series didn't get to finish its film run. Yes, Hunger Games was also criticized for splitting Mockingjay into 2 parts, but both those were successes in the box office. The final book divisions finally ran out of fuel when it was Divergent's turn to try it.

Actually, this brings one other question I have: Is Maze Runner still going to go through with Death Cure or what?
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PostSubject: Re: Reviews for The Dark Tower (2017) here!   Sat Aug 05, 2017 5:26 pm

Wiki tells me at the moment it's slated for February.
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PostSubject: Re: Reviews for The Dark Tower (2017) here!   Mon Aug 07, 2017 2:36 pm

Oh okay. I was wondering.

Anywho, I've read other reviews defending The Dark Tower, and to be honest, I can't tell whether most of those people really get it or not. They're talking as if we expected a word-on-word adaptation of the books and that we should just get over it because we haven't learned the lesson of book-to-film adaptations.

This is why I wish the Message Boards weren't taken down because I have to call bullshit on their excuses. Contrary to what the movie defenders believe, I actually get that you don't have to adapt it word-for-word. It doesn't even have to be too close to the source material! Harry Potter had vast differences from book to film and I enjoyed those films. The same can be said for Cloud Atlas, and even Eragon, another film that was critically panned and loathed by fans, even had enough courtesy to mainly stick to the first book enough that I could still enjoy both the film and the books. I might even read The Hunger Games to see if I can further prove this point. So no, expecting a full-on translation from film-to-screen is not the problem. But there is a difference between a loose adaptation based off your book and completely bastardizing it, and no 2 ways about it, The Dark Tower bastardized the ENTIRE series! I made the Super Mario Bros. comparison in my review because that's the best way to compare just how little the movie has to do with the books. Another good comparison would be if you took M. Night's Last Airbender and how it bastardized the show it was based off of and compared that to this movie.

We understand what went down in the book series, which is why we were so disappointed with the film. Ka is a wheel after all, and if you turn the wheel once, will it look comepletely difference afterwards that when you turn the same wheel a second time, it feels nothing at all like the first time you turn it? I'll wait for your answer.
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PostSubject: Re: Reviews for The Dark Tower (2017) here!   Mon Aug 07, 2017 5:32 pm

Quote :
and even Eragon

Personally that one was still too different for me, IMDB said that it had over 50 changes in it's 104 minute runtime. But I'm glad someone enjoyed it.
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PostSubject: Re: Reviews for The Dark Tower (2017) here!   Mon Aug 07, 2017 6:30 pm

Yeah, I knew Eragon had major changes Merriska Razz But then again, it's the one guilty pleasure I have that me and my mom both enjoy. But compared to The Dark Tower, Eragon's changes didn't compare which is why I even brought that movie up.
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